Emotional Botox
I recently read the following line on an Instagram meme post “The hardest thing you will ever do is be yourself”. I thought about this for quite some time as these words jumped off the screen. I am often criticized for being myself – which says more about others than it does about me, IMHO. But it made me think. I am a sensitive thinker to my very core. And will always consider a different view of life. It keeps my mind buoyant and perspective fresh.
Yes, I am sufficiently content with my own being to bare part of my soul – the good, the bad, the ugly and the completely hilarious (always modest when it comes to humour). I speak from the heart and believe that every day has 24 hours that require our most present commitment to ourselves and those we connect with during that time.
Ironically though, there are many onion layers to this PR lady. Very few fellow ingredients get to see the very sweetest part of my onion core. Partly because I don’t let many people in. Partly because most people don’t like to cry (LOL) and partly because most of us are programmed to solely view life as a mirror image of ourselves. Quite narcissistic really. And ever more so with the advent of social media. We see the world as we are rather than how it really is.
I read somewhere that Kim Kardashian is not allowed to be photographed ‘really’ smiling or laughing because of her Botox. Imagine living a life with such restrictions. Not only is her ass squeezed into a flesh-coloured sausage skin on a daily basis but her face is told what it can and can’t do. I wonder if she ever ‘kicks back’ with Kanye, puts on his slouchy pants (without ass pads) and laughs. Really laughs… and enjoys the gifts that life has bestowed upon her and her family.
Laughing is probably my greatest joy after my dogs and the thought of my breakfast omelette. I was in Thailand over Christmas and spent time with people who make me feel safe. Safe enough to get drunk with and safe enough to laugh like a hyena with… to the point that I thought I might pop (not poop) or self-combust. When you really laugh, it is hard to fake it. That moment when you and a friend, lover, family member or colleague just KNOW. And the endorphins just keep a’ flowing.
No price tag can be put on the importance of laughter with friends when considering our emotional and spiritual health. When our dear friend George Michael passed away on Christmas Day, the first thing I thought about George was that he must have felt so alone. He showed the world who he was without fear or remorse yet who was there for George Michael, without wanting something in return?
He made mistakes and paid the price. He challenged the status quo, as well as viewing his own sexuality and political views in somewhat of a blatant yet self-deprecating and often ironic way. He wrote songs with such conviction, even James Corden said that George’s music/song-writing “Made him realise he wasn’t alone” – George was the original Adele who delved deep into those onion layers and made us all cry.
Yet the travesty for George, Amy, Michael, Prince and so many other prodigal talents, is that in their most desperate times, did they consider they had the gift that we see and/or saw? Or did they have friends they felt safe with? Or could they really laugh? Or did they always feel engulfed by their emotional botox?
In a letter I wrote to a friend tonight, I told her how much I laughed over Christmas and how I have felt less than myself for so many years since my cancer diagnosis. My ‘Thai laughter’ has brought me back to life… I feel more like ‘me’ and ready for emotional fulfilment, for the first time in years. And whilst some of the laughter may have been tinged with tears after a few too many drinks, it is cleansing and sometimes necessary to face our internal demons. Whilst George Michael may have shared some of these demons with his ‘awe’-diences around the world, I wonder if they continued to rage the GM internal machine rather than disappear into the ether.
I only hope that George is up there with his ‘Cowboys & Angels’, ‘Outside’, in the best ‘Club Tropicana’, being told that he is ‘AMAZING’. And George you truly were. I will go to The Flask pub this week, take flowers to your home and raise a glass to you and your legacy. And as for Thailand… what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand. And I truly love you (Thailand) – very, very long time. As George would say “I think you’re amazing”… and when someone you care about says that to you, you just have to smile from ear to ear (Botox-permitting). Happy New Year, everyone!
