RIP Bridget Jones – the new face of Renée Zellwegger


I can’t stop looking at Renée Zellwegger’s ‘new’ face. Not because I think she looks beautiful but because The Tourist’s punchline never rang more true: “Twenty million dollars on plastic surgery and that is the face you choose?”

I have never understood the appeal of plastic surgery.I know lots of people who have had it done and that is their choice. My mum always wanted it but I would never let her, not that she needed it. I understand it appeals to someone’s confidence and of course if a medical recommendation is made, 100% all the way.

BUT…I know or have seen so few women and men that look better post-surgery, it is upsetting. And I wonder WHY Renée felt the need to actually change her face. Is she trying to look more Hollywood ‘bland’ or just desperate for column inches, all for the wrong reasons?

I wonder if she is happy with her new face? Does anyone recognise her when she walks into a room? What would Bridget write in her diary? Maybe something like this:-

“Totally fucked up my plastic surgery face. Shall never leave the house again. No one will want an egghead. Will never read women’s magazines again. Where are my fags? Shit, can’t smoke, face won’t move. Shit, fuck, bollocks…”.

Bridget Jones is an international legacy that bonded Zellwegger’s career. It doesn’t matter that she wore big pants (we all have done on more than one occasion) but Bridget Jones showed the world that being insecure and a klutz is real, funny and endearing. She gave women everywhere hope.

And hope is a good thing. Bridget Jones was a much loved character that emerged on our screens based on Helen Fielding’s true-to-life diary and we empathised and related with Bridget, Mr Darcy and all of the characters. Particularly as a 30-something or ‘alienated’ singleton, I don’t think any of us could listen to ‘All By Myself’ again and not think of her.

I myself made my own version of this song, singing it as a five year old would, crying fake tears. I believe my best friend still has this on his phone somewhere and it was at his very restaurant that Bridget fattened up for the role: feasting on indulgent pasta and pizza.

Bridget was the Adrian Mole of adulthood, albeit with very bad cooking skills and a penchant for turning up to parties wearing the wrong clothes. Bridget forms part of British heritage and Xmas TV tradition and Renée totally ‘killed’ a British accent.

I am sad that I will never see Bridget Jones again as old and smug-married with Colin Firth’s salt n’ peppa brow. Meryl Streep manages to dominate our screens whatever role she plays: from her characters in Mamma Mia to August: Osage County, her features and form seem to mould into whomever she needs to be, without surgery. So why would Renée have made such a grandiose decision to completely remodel her face. Watch this space for her next movie announcement or her complete mental breakdown.

Bridget Jones, RIP.You will always be loved by this 44 year old. Number of cigarettes today: 0. Number of alcohol units: 0. Number of boyfriends: 0. Roll on Xmas.


Why life is like the perfect boiled egg…


Life is all about timing.  From the number of minutes you allow for the perfect brew to finding your soul mate.  Most top chefs will ask any wannabe commis to break an egg and then boil one (with shell).  A perfectly boiled egg is pretty hard to achieve but when the timing is right, my, what a treat (with buttered soldiers, bien sûr).

In a film called ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’, the final line in the script tell us that “Everything will be alright in the end and if it isn’t alright, it isn’t the end”.  Boy George sang in the 80’s “Time won’t give me time…”.  Time is something we all talk about but never value enough.  Fifty years ago we probably had less time as everything took longer but people still had the very same 24 hours in a day.  The brew was on a slow boil.  Like all good relationships or ‘courting’, as it was known back then.

I think if we taught young people that timing is everything, a lot of ‘time’ would be saved worrying, wondering and pontificating instead of enjoying what we have.  Worry, stress and fear don’t change anything and they make you sick.  Nor do they make something happen any quicker or better.  And the gnat attention span that we all seem to favour fuels our headless chicken approach to life, love, play and business.

Going back to a food theme (and I have to tell you that one of my teachers at Junior School often commented that my stories were excellent but that I always talked about food!!) you can’t make a cake without the right ingredients or if the oven isn’t at the right temperature.  Bottom line, everything is about timing, just like the film ‘Sliding Doors’, with which I can relate in many ways.

Having been diagnosed with Cancer this year, it may be that I have become more pragmatic, hence this muse about ‘time’.  But even when my parents died, I wasn’t angry and I didn’t question why.  It was simply ‘their time’.  Time is something we can’t bring back or move forward.  It just is.  Acceptance is a very difficult state for us humans.

From children desperate to be older to older people who are desperate to be younger.  Or people who say they are too busy to exercise or take time for themselves.  Time is a precious commodity and we never best utilise it until the final full-stop is staring us in the face.  What drives me mad is people who waste my (precious) time.  There is no price tag on time.  And you can’t trade it in for anything else. 

Given stats on how much time people waste on social media (and I include myself in this statistic) why is it that we find time for this but can’t or don’t, for perhaps, more interactive or proactive activities?  Agreed, messing about on Facebook and Twitter is fun, gets the adrenalin going and makes you feel engaged with people around the world but we are always detached, at a distance – as the hands of the clock turn.

And here I am asking you to read my blog and take out time of your precious day.  For that I thank you and I hope it was time well spent.  The next time you have a boiled egg, consider how valuable each second was to the end result and bloody take the time to enjoy it!